Welcome to the first blog post of many! In case you’re wondering how this site came about… It all started about 18 months ago when I began questioning a few things and was forced to ask myself some serious questions – life-altering ones. My questioning took me further and further into ridiculous amounts of discomfort as I came to realise
The life I had thought I had designed for myself, I hadn’t really designed at all. Sure, I had created it, but it was through default, not design.
I had been led (or perhaps pushed is a better word) into doing and being certain things that were not meant for me, and once I had scratched the surface with this, it was impossible to just patch it up again and forget about it. It’s so easy to look at things or circumstances to blame but I take 100% responsibility for where I was then, where I am now, and wherever I have been, or will be, at any point. I have my own mind and if I allowed it to veer off in any direction – my actions, words and thoughts with it – then that was my own doing.
And this was a wonderful revelation! Having spent so long thinking things were happening to me, I finally woke up to realise that everything was in fact happening because of me.
My actions or thoughts from years ago had manifested themselves in events happening today. And with this revelation, my self-awareness grew ten-fold and I was able to repeatedly call myself out on my own BS. Thus I began the rather messy task of constantly and consistently challenging myself and questioning my thoughts to untangle the web of false beliefs and false values that I had created, and strengthened, for myself over many years.
It was all rather doom and gloom at the beginning, but this year I found the light at the end of the tunnel and I’ve been working damn hard to get comfortable with me, the real me, and be consistently truthful in all that I do, all that I think, and all that I will be.
A few have noticed this shift: I had quite a few private messages online from people I’ve actually never even met thanking me for my honesty and I have had many conversations with people who have expressed how hard they find it to share their true selves with others and put their real selves out there.
Isn’t it bizarre that so many of us find being ourselves one of the hardest things to do? You’d think it would be the easiest and most natural thing to do, but it’s not.
Over the course of our existence, we have formed so many crutches for ourselves; hiding behind job titles, social status, material items, fashion, and even other people. So many of us, myself included, have defined ourselves by things outside of us, rather than inside of us, which makes for a war zone between our internal selves and our external lives. And so, it’s no wonder that so many of us are lacking in self-esteem and feeling like we’ve got a bit of an identity crisis going on!
