There was a time in my life when I genuinely believed that if I could just do more, be more disciplined, stick to the perfect routine, then I’d finally feel satisfied. Fulfilled. Free.
I clung to carefully crafted systems. My calendar was full. My morning routine was airtight. My non-negotiables were bulletproof.
But the satisfaction never came.
What I didn’t realise at the time was that these “good habits” weren’t giving me freedom.
They were just new chains—shiny ones. Socially acceptable ones. But chains nonetheless.
The Productivity Lie
We live in a world obsessed with productivity. Obsessed.
There’s a hack for everything:
How to 10x your output.
How to wake up at 4:30am like a millionaire.
How to biohack your body into peak performance.
How to systemise your entire existence so you never waste a second.
And I’m not knocking structure. Discipline has its place.
But when productivity becomes a personality, it’s a problem.
Because the truth is, many of us cling to these systems and routines not because they serve us, but because they distract us.
We don’t want to sit with the feelings underneath.
We don’t want to admit that despite ticking all the boxes, we still feel lost.
That even with the wins, the success, the external validation… something big is still missing.
So we double down. We plan harder. We grip tighter.
And in doing so, we trade aliveness for efficiency.
Performance vs. Presence
I see this every day in my clients.
And I’ve lived it myself.
We create these beautifully organised lives, perfectly presented to the outside world.
From the outside, it all looks incredible. But inside?
- We’re burned out.
- We’re disconnected.
- We’re unsure who we are without the next task to complete.
We’ve become performers in our own lives – playing the role of “the successful one,” “the strong one,” “the one who has it all together.”
We’ve learned to keep the plates spinning at all costs.
And the cost is presence.
The cost is the ability to sit in the silence and ask:
“Is this really what I want?”
“Am I actually happy?”
“Without doing all this… who would I be?”
These are uncomfortable questions, but they’re the gateway to truth.
Life Will Surprise You – And That’s a Good Thing
Here’s a fact that no routine or caredully laid out plan can save you from:
Life will surprise you.
The rug will get pulled.
The “perfect system” will fall apart.
The plan will unravel.
The storm will hit.
And thank god it does.
Because it’s in those moments – the ones you didn’t plan for, didn’t prepare for, didn’t see coming – that you come back to life.
You’re forced to lean on people.
To ask for help.
To feel.
To be honest.
To drop the performance and just be human.
And that is where the real stuff lives.
The connection.
The depth.
The laughter and the tears.
Resilience isn’t about holding it all together; it’s about letting it fall and choosing to show up anyway.
What Are You Clinging To?
So I want to ask you something, and I ask it with love and complete understanding:
What are you gripping so tightly right now that it’s actually keeping you stuck?
Is it a version of success you’ve outgrown?
A routine that once helped you but now cages you?
A belief that says if you just work harder, everything will be okay?
An identity built around being “high-achieving,” “productive,” or “perfect”?
The grip might feel safe.
But it’s also costing you your joy.
The Myth of Productivity & Control
Here’s a fact: you can’t plan your way out of pain.
You can’t spreadsheet your way out of heartbreak.
You can’t cold plunge your way through grief.
You can’t morning routine your way to true self-worth.
And I say this as someone who’s tried.
Structure gives the illusion of safety. But safety doesn’t come from control.
It comes from trust.
- Trusting yourself to handle what comes.
- Trusting others enough to let them in.
- Trusting life to surprise you in beautiful ways, not just painful ones.
The goal isn’t to stop planning or to give up on structure.
It’s to hold it more lightly.
To create systems that support you, not suffocate you.
Because when we over-identify with control, we lose our flexibility. Our creativity. Our capacity to feel, connect, and respond in the moment.
We become rigid. And nothing thrives in rigidity.
Real Fulfilment Is Found in the Mess
It’s not found in the 5am wake-up an box ticking.
Or the flawless routine.
Or the perfectly executed plan.
It’s found in the mess.
In the uncontrolled moments.
In the conversations where you share your fears and someone says, “me too.”
In the mornings where you sleep in because your soul needs rest more than it needs discipline.
In the dinner that turns into a dance party.
In the tears you let fall when your heart can’t pretend anymore.
In the unexpected “I love you.”
In the silence. In the laughter. In the realness of living.
That’s where your resilience is born.
Not in your control, but in your capacity to stay open when things don’t go to plan.
Permission to Loosen the Grip & Drop Productivity
So if you’re reading this and something in you is tight or tense, and you feel you can’t keep living and working like this…
Here’s your permission to loosen the grip.
Let yourself sleep in.
Skip the to-do list.
Say no.
Cancel the plan.
Cry – a good ugly one!
Laugh even if it feels inappropriate.
Slow down or take a complete pause.
Rearrange the plans… or cancel them altogether!
Just sack off the rules for a while.
You are not a robot.
You are a human. A soft, complex, brilliant, emotional, ever-evolving human.
And the goal in life is not perfection.
It’s presence.
You’re Not Lazy, You’re Tired
I want to say this clearly, because someone reading this needs to hear it:
You’re not lazy. You’re tired.
You’re not broken. You’re overwhelmed.
You’re not unmotivated. You’re uninspired by the version of life you’ve built.
And that’s fine.
That doesn’t make you a failure.
It makes you honest.
And maybe, just maybe, this is your turning point.
Let Life Move You
I invite you now to do the thing that doesn’t make sense on paper.
Let go of the performance.
Let life get a little bit messy.
Let the plan unravel.
Let yourself be surprised.
Because sometimes the moments that change your life are the ones you didn’t plan for.
And the freedom you’re searching for?
It’s not in the ticked-off to-do list.
It’s in the breath you take when you stop trying to hold it all together.
Three Questions to Sit With:
If this resonated with you then take a moment right now to reflect on these questions:
- What part of my routine or structure no longer supports me – and am I willing to loosen it?
- Where am I using busyness or productivity to avoid feeling something deeper?
- What would it look like to choose presence over performance this week?
Let your answers guide you, not as a new system to force, but as gentle wisdom to follow.
The Real Stuff Is the Fulfilling Stuff
You’re here to live. To feel. To connect. To grow.
Not to impress other people.
Not to “win” the morning.
Not to tick every box at the cost of your soul.
So if your systems are genuinely helping you then keep them.
But if they’ve become chains?
Release yourself.
Open the door.
Step into the mess.
And let life move you.
Because that’s where the real, fulfilling stuff lives.
With love, always,
Cam xx
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