Confidence is a word that is thrown about quite a lot.
Confidence means different things and looks a different way to each of us, but generally, the essence of self-confidence is the ability to believe in yourself to complete the task in hand no matter the odds or the adversity.
There are 3 main obstacles to self-confidence and they are:
Fear of Failure
And these obstacles are created by 7 common mistakes that a lot of us make.
1. OUTSOURCING CONFIDENCE
We have been conditioned to believe that we can find self-confidence in external things – fashion trends, makeup products, body transformations, the angles of our selfies, the people we are seen with, or perhaps just a good old fashioned glass of wine or 5!
Self-confidence is an inside job and nothing you apply externally will give you true confidence. It’s the same as a wearing costume or hiding behind a mask – it’s temporary.
These things are a quick fix but they are not a long term strategy for self-confidence, furthermore, if you continue to believe these things will eventually give you lasting confidence then you will end up giving yourself the opposite.
2. NOT BEING PREPARED TO FAIL
No-one likes to fail, but why? It makes no sense to be averse to failure as no-one in the history of the world has achieved any real success without being willing to fail first.
Willingness to fail is what has allowed us all to advance and live better lives. If you are not willing to fail then you are stunting your growth by staying in your comfort zone.
And while in your comfort zone you are festering in a pool of fear and breeding self-doubt, which is anything but conducive to living confidently.
3. SPENDING TIME WITH THE WRONG CROWD
Spending time with people who are not supportive of you or inline with your goals and values will prompt you to constantly doubt yourself and your abilities.
Negative or jealous people will keep you stuck in a rut and you also need to watch out for overconfident characters as this will have you picking up bad habits that will not allow you to build confidence. Forcing self-confidence, or faking it, is not a habit you want to get into as it gives off a very low vibe and alludes to the opposite effect – lack of self-confidence.
4. NOT TRYING AGAIN
Not only do you have to be prepared to fail the once but you have to “get back on that horse” and be willing to fail over and over again.
When we fail we learn, and when we try again with our new learnings we may succeed or we may fail again. If we fail again it will simply be in a different way and we would have learned something else.
The more you fail, the more you learn, and learning equals growth, and what does growth build? Confidence!
The big mistake that so many make is falling at the first hurdle which then strengthens the belief that we are incapable, which in turn chips away at our self-confidence every single time we don’t follow through with what we set out to do.
5. COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
We all do it but it serves no purpose. When we compare ourselves with others we are never looking at the big picture, we are only focused on one element.
Of course there are people out there that are better at things than you are, but there are also a lot of things that you are far better at than other people and this is what you need to hold at the forefront of your mind at all times.
Comparing yourself to others creates separation, and when doing it in a negative way you are damaging your self-esteem and adding to self-doubt which creates a lack of self-worth.
6. TALKING TO YOURSELF NEGATIVELY
This one is by the far worst one and it’s self-suicide.
Bad days happen, vibes are running low sometimes, events occur in our days that are out of our control.
All these things can send your mind whirring off into a negative spin which creates all kinds of unhelpful dialogue within you but you have to pull ourselves up on it. If you don’t manage to switch the record then it’s a very slippery slope.
You are the only one that can fully pull yourself out of this one along with the aid of the right support and environment – more coming on that shortly in the 5 steps – but for now please know that negative self-talk, if left to it’s own devices, can seriously damage your mental health by single handily creating all 3 of the main problems and plummeting your self-esteem to rock bottom.
Denial of all the above.
Believing that your lack of self-confidence is temporary and you can fix it with a new wardrobe, a weight-loss transformation, or a bottle of wine.
Not accepting that confidence is an inside job.
Putting yourself in an environment that doesn’t support your growth.
Believing that you can avoid failure and still grow your confidence within your comfort zone.
Giving up at the first try, switching between goals, and constantly trying something new instead of sticking at what you started.
Looking for the differences in others instead of the similarities and only noticing what they have that you don’t.
Basically, not be willing to go there. And by “there” I mean to do the work within yourself and keeping your mind and your heart closed to support and guidance in untangling the ropes of self-doubt that you have bound yourself by.
Sadly, the longer that you deny all these things, the further you damage your self-confidence, and the longer it will take to rebuild it again.
The good news, however, is that there are some steps you can take which will raise your self-awareness, and in doing so will stop you from making these mistakes and allow you to build true self-confidence within.
And the even better news? I’ve put it all into an easily downloadable e-book for you.
You can get your free copy by clicking on the image below.