While working on vulnerability is some of the more challenging work I do, it’s the most rewarding, and purpose-defining, work I feel I could possibly be doing with others, not only because it gets the best results and builds the most confidence but vulnerability is my language.
It resonates with me on the deepest of levels because I too have faced many a battle with allowing myself to be vulnerable.
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You may wonder why one should be vulnerable at all?
Simply put, without being vulnerable we cannot be authentic because we are remaining closed off in some way or another in order to protect something; this could be money or possessions, or it could simply just be our ego.
But when we are in this state of protection we are on high alert, which not only drains our resources and is physically stressful to the body, but it also puts pressure on our minds and clouds our thinking.
It interrupts the flow of our lives, it causes confusion as we struggle to be honest with others as well as ourselves, and it causes us to disengage with our hearts.
None of these things make us feel good, or even feel much at all.
Our time on this planet is limited, it’s a waste to numb ourselves and not feel life fully.
I believe I’ve made more progress with my own vulnerability journey this year than many years prior combined.
And I believe that this is largely down to the fact that I upped sticks and moved to the countryside at the beginning of this year.
Having lived my whole life in London I had formed many of my beliefs there about who and what I am, what I was and wasn’t capable of, and how the world around me works.
And many of these beliefs were subconsciously assigned or attached to specific locations and people.
So when I removed myself from London, I took myself away from many of the things that triggered my beliefs, many of which were limiting ones.
I’m not a total hermit out here – far from it actually, and I regularly travel back to London and other places for work or to visit friends and family – but not being triggered by past associations on a daily basis has given me space to entertain new ideas of who I am, how I work, what I could be capable of, and how the world around me could work in other ways.
And this is what has allowed me to formulate new beliefs.
Now I’m not encouraging you to run away from the place you call home, far from it, but I hope to stress the importance of getting yourself away regularly in new surroundings, asking yourself where your own triggers may lie, and challenging them.
I have definitely taken more time for myself while I’ve been out here, and while one may think that this would reduce confidence, it actually does the opposite.
Because the more time we spend with ourselves, the more we get to know ourselves, and as familiarity breeds confidence, we become more confident with who we are.
This then allows us to carry ourselves better out in the world, feel more self-assured and it makes us less easily swayed around others.
It’s why I’m a huge advocate of acts of self-care – it builds self-worth and esteem but also gives you these perfect moments to connect and check in with yourself, and get to know yourself that little bit better.
Most of us check in regularly with friends and family, and even clients and colleagues because:
a) we care greatly about them
and
b) we want them to know that we care about them and ensure they feel recognised, loved, and supported.
So why would we not ensure we are doing the same thing to ourselves?
And if we don’t is it any wonder why we feel lost, doubtful, or even hopeless at times?
We must show ourselves that we care, and ensure we feel loved and supported.
Yes, it’s great when others do this for us but it’s imperative that we are able to provide this for ourselves – other people might not always be around, and being more reliant on others to meet our needs is disempowering anyway.
I’m a big believer that we get so much more from life with the help and support of others, but it’s so important for our sense of safety and security that we are not only capable, but well-versed, in meeting our own needs, and meeting them to a high degree.
This will ensure we feel safe at all times no matter what happens to, or around, us.
Vulnerability is a practice, it’s challenging at times and takes persistent and consistent effort as well as requiring a fair amount of patience.
Rewiring yourself isn’t light work but it can be the most freeing thing you can do for yourself which makes it worth it every time.
The vulnerability dance (as I like to call it) is often 1 step forward, and 2 steps backward, but every step forward is progress, it builds trust internally which is the only thing that will allow you to build trust externally.
Remember if you’ve spent years armouring yourself up or staying guarded in the confines of your self-made walls then you won’t be dropping any of that quickly, but little by little you’ll eventually learn that life is in fact far better without all that restriction you’ve placed on yourself.
Focus is always key with personal growth and development work; if you keep your focus on the feeling of lightness and freedom when you drop your armour a little or step outside your walls for a bit, then you’ll realise that vulnerability actually feels great:
Being completely true to yourself and not fearing the consequences is an amazing feeling that no amount of money can buy.
Furthermore, this feeling is sustainable, and one you can access at any time.
Some believe vulnerability is weakness but it’s the absolute opposite.
It takes courage to be vulnerable, and the more you practice vulnerability the stronger you become.
Vulnerability gives you the power to stay grounded within any storm.
Over time it teaches you how to let the people or things that once upset, angered, or triggered you in some way to simply wash over you.
And most importantly it allows people in. It allows people to better connect with you. It allows you to connect with others on a far deeper and more meaningful level.
So contrary to what some believe, vulnerability is not weak or unattractive, it is instead much admired by others and attractive.
But the best thing of all?
The greatest sense of inner peace that vulnerability can bring you;
knowing who you are, being who you are, and standing tall in it all.
